Funny Lindy Hop Lists.
Yes, The World Of Lindy Hop Has These Jokes Too


Table Of Contents:

You Mighty Be A Hollywood Style Lindy Hopper If... Plus 1999 Update!

You Might Be A PasadenaBDA Geek If...

Recommended Catalina Activities (now that you can't go to the dances)

You Might Be A O.J. (Original Jitterbug*) If...
(Lindy Hopping in the LA/OC area for 3+ years)

Top 17 Reasons Why Lindy Hoppers Suck


You Might Be A Hollywood Style Lindy Hopper If...

...you can’t dance unless you’re chewing gum.

...you never leave the house without an Altoids box full of boric acid.

..."New swing" music becomes entirely unappealing.

...the faster the song, the better.

...you throw away your Bleyers.

...you develop muscles in your right arm you never knew you had.

...you find yourself in the fake flower section of the Pic ‘n Save on Vine street .

...you won’t go to clubs that have only concrete floors.

...you gain a new appreciation for Rockabilly because you can shag to it.

...you can’t hear the "clang clang clang" section of a certain Andrews Sisters song without picturing Jewel McGowan swiveling.

...Boogie Woogie is your new god (please visit "The First Church of Lindy Hop")

...you continue to buy 1940’s wedges even though they fall apart in two months.

...men doing moves that land them on their backs is intentional.

...you search high and low for striped socks.

...Slipouts take the place of the Minne Dip.

...you forget how to tandem Charleston.

...you notice your male partner prefers dancing with other men .

...you become convinced that someone requesting "Zoot Suit Riot" at a Bill Elliot show is one of the seven signs of the coming apocalypse.

...you peck more than you Suzie Q.

...you hear a slide whistle in your head whenever you do a rhythm circle.

...you have to resist the temptation to end every song with a quick stop.

...you find the phrase "quit staring, herring!" pretty damned funny.

...you refer to every style other than your own as "Hip Hop Meets Lindy Hop."

...you will sit through the torturous synthesized drum kit at Golden Sails just to watch Hal Takier dance.

...you have been "nosed" by Bart Bartolo.

...you sit through scary 1980’s US Open tapes just to see Sylvia Sykes swivel.

...you participate in every contest known to man.

...you take someone else doing an aerial in a jam session as an invitation to a duel.

...you refer to a move by the name of the movie it comes from, i.e. "Let’s do 'Ghost Catchers' !"

...you have a strange compulsion to dress like a college kid from 1935.

...you start to notice how bands break up jam sessions when they don’t feel they’re getting enough attention.

...you pour over bad quality 99th generation video tapes for a glimpse of Dean Collins’ elbow.

...you can walk into a club full of 400 people and say, "There’s no one to dance with."

You Might Be A Hollywood Style Lindy Hopper If... (1999 Update!)

...you have now exhausted all the moves you could replicate from movies and have begun recreating screw-ups from last yearís US Open tape to add to your repertoire.

...you own a ridiculously large collection of womenís striped socks and childís striped shirts.

...you know people by their discussion forum names better than their real names.

...you have come to realize you will never win a contest again as long as Josh & Theresa, Min and Corina, and Jeremy and Debbie are in it.

...you have at least twice proclaimed your boredom with the "scene" and attempted to cultivate other interests - and failed.

...you have given up on trying to find good vintage and have started to have clothes tailored.

...you just might be interested in the Bleyers wedge despite your previous anti-Bleyer stance.

...you are pleased/horrified that the media has proclaimed the death of swing.

...you are bored with picking on PBDA and have decided itís more fun to pick on each other.

...youíre wondering if youíll be invited to Erik & Sylviaís wedding.

...itís all about Deanís Shim Sham.

...those neo-Ď50ís jump blues bands have started to take on a strangely nostalgic feel for you.

...you have come to realize this whole "troupe" thing may not be all itís cracked up to be.

Two words - Bal Swing

...youíre determined to dance in that lettermanís sweater no matter how hot it is, dammit!

...you view Dean Moraís discontinuing Monday nights at the Derby as the end of an era.

...you wonder what aerials short of Nathalie and Yuvalís will impress anyone anymore.

...you are still peeling from dancing out on the platform in the sun all Catalina weekend.

...you deny you are a Hollywood Style Lindy Hopper.

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You Might Be A PasadenaBDA Geek If...

...you have been taking Tuesday night Lindy lessons at PBDA religiously for more than two years - regardless of the fact that you’ve learned everything several times over.

...you do all your dancewear shopping at Ross (do you love it?)

...Bleyers, Bleyers, Bleyers

...you think that Lindy in the movies begins and ends with "Hellzapoppin’."

..you’re a woman with an endless collection of ankle socks with lace around the edges (in all fashion colors.)

...you’re a man who saves your neon zoot suit for special occasions (like the PBDA Club Jitterbug Saturday night dances.)

...you’re a "Hep Cat," not a "Copy Cat."

...Manza has accused you of trying to sneak into class without paying.

...you think the split kick is a really big, dynamic aerial.

...you can dance three songs in a row doing nothing but tandem Charleston routines.

...you think "Opus One" is a fast song.

...you think "Sing, Sing, Sing" is the ultimate jam tune.

...you have a self-endowed nickname.

...you only go out dancing when Bill Elliot plays - and then never anywhere which may be crowded, may not have a good dance floor, may be more than 10 miles outside of Pasadena, or may allow smoking within a 5 mile radius.

...you wear a fedora because it soaks up the sweat on your forehead.

...you think athletic wear is appropriate at a fancy dinner club.

...you think Steven Mitchell thinks you’re a good dancer.

...you think Erin’s white lace "Like A Virgin" dress at Catalina last year is the pinnacle of fashion.

...you go to all the vintage clothing stores and shows, and yet mysteriously never appear in public wearing anything you buy.

...you think those "you might be a dance-a-holic" e-mails are a laugh riot.

...Dean who?

...you push on eight when doing the Shim Sham.

...you think the Rhythm Hot Shots are like, really authentic dancers.

...you go to the 9 AM class at Catalina - on all four days.

...you have endless discussions and debates about dance floor etiquette, yet when you do go out dancing you dance in a big circle and kick with reckless abandon, taking up the space five couples on a slot could have occupied.

...when the tempos get too fast, you half time it.

...you can walk into a club full of 400 people and say "There’s no one to dance with."

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Recommended Catalina Activities (now that you can't go to the dances)

Trash talking

Gum chewing

Dressing scantily (girls)

Sweating (guys)

Sugar pushing

Aerial throwing

Erin baiting

Taking over Chi Chis

Waffle cone eating

Hip rolling

Swimming….naked

Making sure not to smile

Drinking on the beach

Sleeping at other people’s rentals

Street dancing

CD losing

Picture taking

Mocking

Crashing people’s hot tubs

Bleyer spotting

Swiveling

Sunning

Drinking while dancing

Cigar smoking

Debating

Watching videos

Getting massages…mmm…

Wearing other people’s clothes (preferably those of the opposite sex, as you stumble home Sunday morning)

Stripee sock wearing

Jam holding

Free spinning

Fondling

Mega sliding

Drinking in bed

But really…how do you describe the magic?

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You Might Be A O.J. (Original Jitterbug*) If...
(Lindy Hopping in the LA/OC area for 3+ years)

You remember coming home from dancing with your clothes reeking of cigar smoke.

You’ve heard Dean Mora get through "Here Come the British" without laughing.

You remember when the hottest action in town on a Saturday night were the PBDA Club Jitterbug dances.

Every Thursday night you would utter the phrase "the Sultan sent me."

You used to refer to the LA Weekly for upcoming swing events rather than the Internet, e-mail, or word of mouth.

You recognize the dancers in the Derby sequence of "Swingers."

You remember when Indigo Swing was a cool dance band.

You reminisce fondly about Sunday nights at the Blue.

You remember when the only dance contest was Monsters.

You remember when Bill Elliot used to play the Derby.

You remember being winded after a 100 bpm song.

You remember those happy, carefree pre-Gap ad, pre-"Swingers" days, with a tear in your eye.

Wedges? You mean like those seventies canvas things?

You remember when doing East Coast was tolerable.

You still have your Erik Ekstrand "frequent swinger" card.

You remember when you thought shag was a carpet.

You were at the Rhino Room’s opening night.

You used to be the only couple under seventy at Golden Sails.

You remember when the only people who had dance clips on tape were Jeff Beauregard, Bernard, and Peter.

You remember when the only people doing aerials were the Flying Lindy Hoppers.

You remember when there was no such thing as "all ages."

You remember when the 1995 Herrang tape was a sought-after commodity.

You once believed in the concept of "dance shoes."

You can still hear Eddie Reed’s voice saying, "Kai Palmer, ladies and gentlemen!"

You remember when Biro Poretti’s was a great place to dance.

You recall the first time you saw the Groovie Movie as a pivotal moment in your life.

You remember when track suits were not considered dancewear.

You know who Glen and Danny are.

You were present the night they stopped allowing aerials in the front room of the Derby.

You actually saw Joan in a PBDA class.

You remember "Swing Alive" as the best/worst night of your life.

You remember when Bernard was the shit.

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Top 17 Reasons Why Lindy Hoppers Suck
(Note: This is not meant to represent all Lindy dancers)

We don’t applaud musicians’ solos

We want to be comped in everywhere

We complain if we have to buy water (God forbid we should buy a juice or a soda, either)

We think tipping is a city in China

We have no problem dumping wax or strange powder on people’s dance floors

We will talk loudly and fool around right in front of a singer putting her (or his) heart into a ballad

We only buy individual dance tickets at camps

We go to a club’s promotional contest, get comped in, win the money, and leave, never to return to that club again

We don’t really care if we hear a 20 piece big band or a juke box, as long as it swings

We will go where our friends are going, regardless of whether it’s a venue we want to support

We will attend an event, have a good time, but then tear it apart on the Internet the next day

We only participate in the birthday dances of people we like

We don’t understand the concept of "advance tickets"

We get bored of moves and aerials quicker than you can cut butter

We trade partners like it’s a square dance

We can’t handle cha cha, rhumba, waltz, fox trot, or any other dance, and don’t care

We travel in packs

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Copyright © 1999 The Lindy Hoppers Homepage!
This Page Last Revised: August 12, 1999.